is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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