When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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