you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
