planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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