I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
