you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
