I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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