Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
