no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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