i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
