I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
