Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
