Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
