You're completely useless in the revolution.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
