Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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