watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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