You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
