Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
