i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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