I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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