New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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