It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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