When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
