my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
