I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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