Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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