I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
