Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
