I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
