Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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