PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
