Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
