So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
