why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
