Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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