those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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