dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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