3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize