I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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