did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
