Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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