I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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