Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
