the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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