Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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