I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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