4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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