so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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