Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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