Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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