my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
