he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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