last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish my penis had a tongue
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
