Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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