her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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