He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
