When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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