Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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