It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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