3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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