i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Your dad touched me again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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