they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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