Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
