there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
