need another drink. this is the easiest way
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
