8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize