I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
