I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
