I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
